Mom.......
Mama........
MOM!!.......
Mommy.........
maaaaaaaammmmmmaaaaaaaaaaaa..........
Sara..........
Miss Sara..........
Sawah........
SAAAAAAAAAAARAAAAAAAAAA.............
Mom, Mama, MOM, Mommy, mmmmmmmmmmaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmaaaaaaa, Sara, Miss Sara, Sawah, SSSSSSSSSAAAAAAAARRRRRRRAAAAAAA isn't home right now. Please leave a message after the beep.
BEEEEEEEEEEEP.
better now bff?
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Thursday, June 5, 2008
it's been forever
HOLY SHIT! It's been forever since I've written. My blog has become my link to other blog's..... not so much a place for me to share. BUT.... I am in a much happier place now so..... here I am. Not to mention I was a little embarrassed when this great blogger asked me for my url....
Let's see.....Last update was this past winter... so much has changed since then.
The big "d" was official a/o Feb. We are now sharing custody of the little one. Took a few months of 'play therapy' and many nights of crying myself to sleep but things are falling into place quite well now.
The boy has graduated from pre-school. I thought it might take several Zanax and a bottle of wine to get me through, but surprisingly enough, I made it through with only one kleenex..... whew! His teacher spoke about things she learned from each kid that year and she said "Clay has taught me to never underestimate what a child can comprehend"..... proud moment.
Another pretty huge change is that I am in love. Me loving him isn't so much of a change but US being IN love... at the same time.... with each other is!!! We've known each other for umpteen years. He moved to Denver 10 years ago. Got married, had kids, got divorced.... moved back to GA. While he was away, I got married and had a kiddo. He is now back and I am 'single' and we are together. We move in together in August and are thrilled about what the future holds.
Work is still work. I am employed by a 76 year old Financial Advisor that is in the beginning stages of Alzheimer’s. Something that is near and dear to my heart since my grandmother had it as well. It's very sad to see her and her mind fail.... day after day, week after week. At this point, we are trying to maintain her business until her children come to their senses and do something about it.
All in all, 2008 has been magnificent. Life in general is always challenging but to know in my heart that all the ridiculously painful decisions I made last year have all worked out for the best makes me smile....
Smiling is good.
I do it a lot these days!
Let's see.....Last update was this past winter... so much has changed since then.
The big "d" was official a/o Feb. We are now sharing custody of the little one. Took a few months of 'play therapy' and many nights of crying myself to sleep but things are falling into place quite well now.
The boy has graduated from pre-school. I thought it might take several Zanax and a bottle of wine to get me through, but surprisingly enough, I made it through with only one kleenex..... whew! His teacher spoke about things she learned from each kid that year and she said "Clay has taught me to never underestimate what a child can comprehend"..... proud moment.
Another pretty huge change is that I am in love. Me loving him isn't so much of a change but US being IN love... at the same time.... with each other is!!! We've known each other for umpteen years. He moved to Denver 10 years ago. Got married, had kids, got divorced.... moved back to GA. While he was away, I got married and had a kiddo. He is now back and I am 'single' and we are together. We move in together in August and are thrilled about what the future holds.
Work is still work. I am employed by a 76 year old Financial Advisor that is in the beginning stages of Alzheimer’s. Something that is near and dear to my heart since my grandmother had it as well. It's very sad to see her and her mind fail.... day after day, week after week. At this point, we are trying to maintain her business until her children come to their senses and do something about it.
All in all, 2008 has been magnificent. Life in general is always challenging but to know in my heart that all the ridiculously painful decisions I made last year have all worked out for the best makes me smile....
Smiling is good.
I do it a lot these days!
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
"make new friends keep the old. one is silver the other gold" this golden friend and i had the most spectacular weekend. she and her gorgeous daughter came to visit clay and i for the last bit of his birthday celebration.....
getting our children acquainted with one another was very important to us. we want them to have memories to share with others when they are coming to visit us in the nursing home... after they are married and have kids of course. see- we have their whole lives planned out! :):)
regardless of what the future may hold, we are thankful for the time we have been able to spend together.
here are some pictures from the weekend....
Friday, November 9, 2007
i didn't expect it to be this obvious
but it has happened
it took time and effort
it took patience and desire
it took phone call after phone call
it took understanding
it took tears
it took kindness
it took forgiveness
it took screaming
and......
it took love
love for ourselves
love for our son
love for one another
we are there now
i am thankful for that
i am thankful for you
i am so blessed
to be blessed
and most importantly to realize it
but it has happened
it took time and effort
it took patience and desire
it took phone call after phone call
it took understanding
it took tears
it took kindness
it took forgiveness
it took screaming
and......
it took love
love for ourselves
love for our son
love for one another
we are there now
i am thankful for that
i am thankful for you
i am so blessed
to be blessed
and most importantly to realize it
Thursday, October 18, 2007
32......33
i don't know if i have ever celebrated my birthday with as much enthusiasm as i did this year. i was thrilled to be getting rid of '32'. estatic to be moving forward with the life plans i have for myself and my son. looking forward to possible career changes. anticipating new friendships and cherishing the old ones.
my celebrating began when my ridiculously handsome son woke up, sat straight up in bed and said.... "HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMMY"..... imagine this face.....
those words..... and his little arms giving me a hug... the day could have ended on that note and it would have been fine by me.... but it gets better....
after standing in line at the dmv for two hours (thank you asshat in front of me who broke the machine)- i raced to school for "Family Day!!!"
..............arrived at work to find not one, but two birthday cakes..............
as if that wasn't a full day already....... i had dinner with a table full of friends and family at one of my favorite restaurants. after that.... the details are a bit blurry so here are some pics from the evening.....
one of my baby brothers
one of my favorite people in the whole world... lindsey
another spectacular girl who i was so excited to see
my daddy
just us girls
i have talented friends....
the random "O" face
i'm sure the converstaion was brilliant at this point... ha ha no pun intended
time for sara to go home.... note the eyes...
and the bday celebration didn't stop there.... (mainly because i demanded we celebrate my birth all weekend long) nevertheless.... we went to a concert at this fabulous outdoor venue. company was great, music was very cool but i think the camera had one too many margaritas......
Thank you for a wonderful birthday everyone. I love you all. Those that weren't there.... like you, you and you..... Next year.... you owe me double!!!!
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Sunday, September 16, 2007
ive found it difficult to share lately. if you know me personally (which if you are reading this chances are good that you do) you know that seldom am i at a loss for words or have trouble expressing myself. shockingly- i find myself unable to convey the feelings i am having these days.
i have a friend who tells me to stop trying to fight (control) things…. "embrace the shitty" is what he says. sounds absurd, right? who the hell wants to embraces the shitty? me…? i fight like hell to steer clear of the shitty. maybe that’s my problem. instead of bobbing and weaving to escape the shitty i should lie down in bed and let the shitty run all over me???
about 5 years ago, i found myself sad. constantly. i couldn’t shake this overwhelming feeling of sadness. couldn’t pinpoint where it was coming from…. maybe i just preferred not to. whatever it was though, found me and it wasn’t leaving. so i did what a lot of people do- i went to my doctor. imagine my surprise when she tells me… "oh honey, that’s called being a woman. i have just the thing for you. take this to the pharmacy, get if filled and take one of these each morning when you wake up". a pill i can get, legally, that will help with this shit? done. it was a miracle pill. those outbursts i became so accustomed to no longer existed. winner. not to mention the pill was named after me- sarafem. how could this be a bad thing?
what they don’t mention to you is when you start taking these miracle pills is that when you decide you want to procreate you should probably stop taking them. lucky for me, i had a mother-in-law who had the low down on everything i should and shouldn’t do while trying to conceive. first and foremost, stop taking birth control. check. stop smoking- check. stop taking happy pill- check. start taking folic acid- check. oh and did i mention i did this all on the same day- cold turkey?
hardly the brilliance i'm use to exuding... ha. at this point, i feel like jumping off a cliff, not making love to my husband to create this legacy of love. fortunately for us, valentines day neared and we conceived. 9 months later, we have the most incredible bundle of joy and i decide that having gone without those pills for close to a year there’s no reason to start back now.
that lasted about as long as the breast feeding did. a few months later, i'm back at the doc telling her that i can't sleep more than 15 feet away from my son. i am constantly checking to make sure he is breathing. i have this ever-present fear that something horrible is waiting for us around the corner. she tells me "every new mother goes thru this. here, take this to the pharmacy, get it filled and take one daily". surprise, surprise- it worked. so much, in fact, that i started letting him sleep on his stomach. (gasp, i know)
a year later, i’m back at the doc telling her that i have the anxiety under control but still feel like something is not quite right. again, unable to pinpoint where this was coming from. we move to something new… a new and improved happy pill. it's got everything i need wrapped in one pill!!! it works like a charm. no excessive crying, no raging tempers, no anxiety. i feel 'normal' again.
all this brings me back to embracing the shitty. the shitty is all around us. no one is immune to it. i've spent 6 years trying to control things that are out of my control. taking pills to feel one way and then needing a pill to counter that pill.... so i'm done. no more pills. i will deal with what i am dealt and..... embrace the shitty.
i have a friend who tells me to stop trying to fight (control) things…. "embrace the shitty" is what he says. sounds absurd, right? who the hell wants to embraces the shitty? me…? i fight like hell to steer clear of the shitty. maybe that’s my problem. instead of bobbing and weaving to escape the shitty i should lie down in bed and let the shitty run all over me???
about 5 years ago, i found myself sad. constantly. i couldn’t shake this overwhelming feeling of sadness. couldn’t pinpoint where it was coming from…. maybe i just preferred not to. whatever it was though, found me and it wasn’t leaving. so i did what a lot of people do- i went to my doctor. imagine my surprise when she tells me… "oh honey, that’s called being a woman. i have just the thing for you. take this to the pharmacy, get if filled and take one of these each morning when you wake up". a pill i can get, legally, that will help with this shit? done. it was a miracle pill. those outbursts i became so accustomed to no longer existed. winner. not to mention the pill was named after me- sarafem. how could this be a bad thing?
what they don’t mention to you is when you start taking these miracle pills is that when you decide you want to procreate you should probably stop taking them. lucky for me, i had a mother-in-law who had the low down on everything i should and shouldn’t do while trying to conceive. first and foremost, stop taking birth control. check. stop smoking- check. stop taking happy pill- check. start taking folic acid- check. oh and did i mention i did this all on the same day- cold turkey?
hardly the brilliance i'm use to exuding... ha. at this point, i feel like jumping off a cliff, not making love to my husband to create this legacy of love. fortunately for us, valentines day neared and we conceived. 9 months later, we have the most incredible bundle of joy and i decide that having gone without those pills for close to a year there’s no reason to start back now.
that lasted about as long as the breast feeding did. a few months later, i'm back at the doc telling her that i can't sleep more than 15 feet away from my son. i am constantly checking to make sure he is breathing. i have this ever-present fear that something horrible is waiting for us around the corner. she tells me "every new mother goes thru this. here, take this to the pharmacy, get it filled and take one daily". surprise, surprise- it worked. so much, in fact, that i started letting him sleep on his stomach. (gasp, i know)
a year later, i’m back at the doc telling her that i have the anxiety under control but still feel like something is not quite right. again, unable to pinpoint where this was coming from. we move to something new… a new and improved happy pill. it's got everything i need wrapped in one pill!!! it works like a charm. no excessive crying, no raging tempers, no anxiety. i feel 'normal' again.
all this brings me back to embracing the shitty. the shitty is all around us. no one is immune to it. i've spent 6 years trying to control things that are out of my control. taking pills to feel one way and then needing a pill to counter that pill.... so i'm done. no more pills. i will deal with what i am dealt and..... embrace the shitty.
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