today i met with my attorney about the divorce. i didn't even make it to the meeting room before the tears just started flowing.... uncontrollably. usually, i can bury those embarrassing emotions- especially in front of people i don't know. but today, as i put my hand out to shake hers , i am unable to stop the flow. you just have to let it run it's course. so i did. of course she reminds me.... "everyone does this, don't worry". um, yeah... thanks- i feel much better now.
the meeting went well. i had to review with her the current situation. it had changed a bit since our last visit. i no longer require supervised visitation, random alcohol tests, etc. we talked about the house, debt, child support, custody. i feel like we accomplished a lot. at least i know what the next step is.
i don't know if he remembers me telling him that i was going today or not. either way, he sends me a text and asks if i want to go fishing tonight??? me- fishing...i think not. i simply reply with "just left attorney's office". that was obviously a shock to him and he asked if he should get in touch with his attorney now. i tell him to do what makes him comfortable. i don't plan to sneak up on him and serve him with papers. i want to be open and honest about all this.
Then, he decided to call me and tell me that he wants joint/split custody. Basically, that means 1/2 time with me, 1/2 time with him. that is not a good thing i say. i think he needs a home base and he needs to feel a sense of belonging to somewhere. and that somewhere is going to be with me. had he thought about the repercussions before he started living the lifestyle he chose perhaps this wouldn't be the situation. but he did, so it is.
at this point, i am pissed. who in the hell does he think he is? you got a dui with my kid in the car and you think i am going to split custody with you??? um, no. you gave that right up the minute you jeopardized his life. he is mine and i can't even believe that i have to fight this out with him. now, instead of being sad... i'm mad.
mad is so much easier. i like the mad. hate the sad.
